Loki's Countdown to Christmas
by Dawnmoon76
Summary: How did a flightless bird end up high in a tree? A tree in which fruit are hanging...in the middle of winter? Join the Avengers while Loki messes with them, all the way to Christmas. (All Avengers, sans Thor (until the end), are present.) (Updates are guaranteed for Christmasses. I'll try to get another chap out before that though.)
1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree

**AN: I read a Christmas fic (Don't ask why. I have no idea.) And I somehow came up with this idea. Yes, I realize it's almost August (Quite literally in one and a half hours at the time of writing this AN.) but I needed to write this.**

 **WARNING: If you have ithenaiphobia (Totally fake and made up name). That is, the fear of parentheses then I would turn back now. (I used the second half of it's greek root.)**

 **And thanks to my beta** **The Moyashi Beansprout Midget.** **And I wrote a little more without running it by them so there may be a few errors.**

 **I present to you: Loki's Countdown to Christmas! Enjoy!**

Clint wasn't entirely sure why he was the one that was climbing the stupid tree. He thought back to that morning.

 **Just a normal December 14th morning...**

The lights on the tree were twinkling happily. Signaling to him that some one else was awake. And by the amazing smells coming from the kitchen it wasn't Thor, and since it didn't smell particularly foreign it was a safe bet that Bruce wasn't cooking either. Tony only baked, with the occasional not baked goods sprinkled in. That left (other than himself) Steve and Natasha, so considering that fact that Natasha was showering that meant Steve was cooking.

Walking into the kitchen confirmed his deduction. Tony was looking more disheveled than usual, he sat glowering at his coffee like it personally offended him. Steve was making the classic bacon and eggs, complete with toast, fruit and even orange juice. Which Tony had a glass of sitting in front of him. He would occasionally switch his glare to the unsuspecting juice.

"Morning." Clint greeted the room. Steve looked over his shoulder, smiled and returned the sentiments. Tony seemed to want the poor coffee mug to spontaneously combust, probably because it stopped holding coffee (no, no holes it was simply empty). At this point Bruce walked in. All put together and just generally too full of energy this early in the morning for anyone to deal with besides Steve.

"Stop trying to kill the mug." Was the first thing Bruce said before greeting the other two, less hostile, people.

Clint was still was still wondering what the coffee mug did (Bruce had refilled it so, it was not because it was empty) when Natasha walked in. Her eyes swept over the room, pausing at both Tony and the food that was beginning to pile up.

For a few minutes there was some conversation. Everyone practically felt the lightbulb that appeared over Tony's head. He took out a tablet and started typing.

"Figure it out?" Steve asked. And of course Steve knew (why was Clint surprised?). After Tony and Steve made peace they were best buddies. Tony trusted Steve with some pretty deep stuff. (Clint was only slightly jealous. Tony shared junk with him too. But Tony trusted Steve a little more when he talked about relationships. And Clint totally understands because he will, admittedly, run his mouth about Tony's crushes.)

"Yes!" His glee is tangible and so unlike the murderous aura that had previous occupied the space.

"Breakthrough on the project?" Bruce asks as he plops more toast onto a plate.

Tony pauses for a brief second (Clint doesn't think Bruce notices) but Tony smoothly covers it (for not being a spy he was pretty darn good at hiding things).

"Yeah." And, only because Clint is looking at Tony (the only one who is) he sees that yes, the engineer just had another thought. Now pertaining to whatever project they were working on. So Tony doesn't lie but at the same time he does?

Clint shakes off the thought before digging into the delicious breakfast.

 **Afterwords...**

They decide to shop. Christmas is soon approaching and some (cough all cough) hadn't finished shopping. (In Tony's case inventing.) Clint heard a strange thump/fluttering noise. He looked up into a tree and saw a bird flapping it's wings rapidly.

"Uh, guys?" He says while pointing up. Bruce and Tony walked back to him while Steve simply looks up.

(The retail worker on break says nothing as she takes a picture of (most of) the Avengers staring up into a tree blankly.)

"Listen." Clint instructs. Soon the other guys hear the strange noise too.

"That sounds like a partridge of some sort." Bruce says. "What?" He asks as he realizes that the others are now staring at him.

"How could you possibly know that?" Clint asks.

"I spent some time in Africa and the Middle East. I wonder how and why it's here. It's not native."

"And isn't it flightless? How did it get up there?" Tony puts in.

"Yes. And they're shy too. It wouldn't be doing that when it knows a lot of humans are around."

Tony claps suddenly. "Okay so it's settled. We need to get the bird down. Any volunteers?" He asks the three men in front of him.

Natasha had split off at some point, Thor would be gone with Jane for the season. They may or may not be able to come to New York later. Steve had claimed that the higher, thinner, branches wouldn't be able to hold his weight. There, Clint wasn't sure if he should accept it and move on or start making jokes on how Captain America just indirectly called himself fat. He decided on a snort (causing Steve to look at him funny) and looked to the two resident geniuses (idiots (because, who can be that smart but not see the obvious feeling between the two?)) Bruce quickly had shook his head and raised his hands, offering no words. Tony just kinda...well he did that smirk and eyes, that Clint swears can hypnotize, and the next thing Clint knows is that he already climbed up half the distance. He was within reach of the bird when it suddenly snapped at him, making him lose his balance and fall. Luckily (note sarcasm) there were several hard branches to break his fall and throwing him off course of the wonderful fluffy snow bank waiting on the side of the sidewalk. The bird hopped down, branch from branch, before finally hopping onto Steve's head. His surprised look made Clint laugh besides his better judgement against it. (Yeah he hopes nothing was broken or fractured, he just kinda just felt sore...so he had hope.) The last jump had dislodged a fruit hanging there. (And really? What tree bore fruit in the middle of a New York winter?) It fell and hit Tony on the head. Bruce was the only one to see it because Clint was still laughing and Steve was staring at the bird who had hopped off his head. Bruce did the equivalent of a polite snicker. (Snickers, by nature, are not polite.) The bird regarded Clint for a second before running (more of a waddle really) away. It fell into step (waddle?) behind a vaguely familiar green colored back.

Tony, Steve and Bruce lead a sore Clint home. He iced the sore spots (AKA his whole chest) and watched Christmas movies that were playing all month long.

Clint snuck a peek at Tony's tablet when the billionaire went for beverages. He wasn't really sure what it all meant. (A third of it was in math, another third was in run on sentences (he was pretty sure Tony had switched languages between the not sentences.) And the final third was what everyone referred to as 'Tony writing'. Even if he was typing or handwriting he'd put in random symbols.) But the gist of it was 'Bruce...bunch of equations...Christmas deadline...equations...gift...etc.'

The archer wasn't sure but he thought it sounded like nerd love. Maybe Tony was finally making a move. Clint wanted to intervene but decided that, hey, he had no idea how genius love worked. (Well, he did. It was the same. But the seduction part was over his head.)

Clint jumped (And totally did not scream) when he heard a familiar thump/flutter. Natasha had been trying to find another movie when she came across the nature channel. And, wow, it was showcasing a type of Partridge. Why not scare the pants off of Barton? Everyone burst into laughter while Clint grumbled in his seat.

 **In a (surprisingly not gloomy) villain hangout...**

A figure sat in a mostly dark room. The only light coming from the lamp on the desk. The person wrote:

 _Dear Big Red Fat Man,_

 _Why do you assume coal is a proper deterrent to mischief? It is quite good for my fireplace. Even if the cold never really bothered me. So, I decided to screw my brother's friends over by cursing them with Midgard's song of 'Twelve Days of Christmas'._

 _Day One was a success._

 _Yours truly,_

 _Loki_

 **AN: And I hope you enjoyed this insanity. The Science Boyfriends will NOT be a main focus. It'll be stuble (execpt in one chapter). Yes all chapters are connected. Sorry I will not need help with ideas I have them already thought of and planned out.**

 **Let me know what you think!**

 **And I promise I will finish it no matter what. Even if I go months without updating I WILL post something for real Christmas(es). This will get finished. There is no reason for it not to.**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	2. Two Turtle Doves

**AN: Wow, this was quick. (That just shows you how excited I'm to be writing this.) :)**

 **Nothing else to be said here but read the end AN please especially** **AvengerFrost** **!**

 **Now Enjoy!**

 _Dear Loki,_

 _It's not nice to call people fat._

 _The coal is a deterrent for children. It works well enough._

 _I read what happened with the Partridge. I must admit it was funny. But please take caution. No serious injury should befall the Avengers (or any of their friends and acquaintances.)_

 _Happy Holidays!_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Nicholas St North (AKA Santa Claus)_

 **December 15th...**

Bruce woke up just like any other day. Except...there was a bird sitting on his chest staring at him. It's head was titled adorably to the side. At first glance Bruce thought it was a pigeon but upon further inspection he realized it was a turtle dove (He had no idea how it could've gotten into the Tower. Let alone why it was in the United States). The little bird hopped off of Bruce so he could sit up. He continued to stare at the bird. It cooed before flapping slightly and landing on his shoulder. Bruce stared at it slightly longer before half shrugging and getting out of bed (He figured he could see if the others knew anything). The dove fluttered its wings slightly to keep its balance but settled once again.

Bruce walked into the kitchen and sat down at the island. Today Clint was cooking pancakes. Natasha was reading from a tablet and Steve had an actual paper newspaper.

"Where's Tony?" Bruce asked.

"In his lab." Clint glanced up before flipping a pancake. He froze and looked at Bruce once again. "Why do you have a bird." (He was still wary from the partridge incident.)

"I have no idea." By then Steve and Natasha looked up. "I woke up to it sitting on my chest. I'm going to go ask Tony."

"Hey wait, what kind of pancakes do you want?" Clint asked as he put a plate in front of Natasha.

"Uh, chocolate chip?"

"Sure thing." Clint reached into the cupboard for the chocolate.

Bruce turned around and to the elevator. Though when he approached Jarvis didn't open it like usual.

"Uh, Jarvis? Open the elevator's doors, please."

"Sorry Doctor Banner. You are restricted access to the lab. Sir is currently working on your Christmas gift."

"Open a call to Tony then." Bruce requested as he walked back to the kitchen where Clint put down a plate in front of him. (Steve already had his plate.)

"Hello Brucie." Tony said, his voice projected from the same speakers Jarvis used.

"I needed to ask you something."

"Alright shoo-OW! No, Dum-E! Stop it! U put that-Ow! Watch where you're going Butterfingers." They heard crashes and various beeps.

"Tony?" Steve asked.

"Oh, Spangles is there too?"

"Yeah so is Natasha and Clint." Bruce answered. After another loud crash. "Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." Sarcasm covering the words. "I'll talk to you lat-Dum-E! Get back here! No, don't-!" Then they heard the distinct noise of the fire extinguisher going off. Tony sighed. "See you later. No not you U." Before the call cut off.

"Okay." Clint drawled as he sat with his own pancakes, a stack of plain ones were in the middle of the table. The dove jumped down and tried to snatch a piece. Bruce grabbed it and handed it a morsel.

"Seriously though, why is there a bird?"

"I don't have a clue. I told you, I woke up with it sitting on me." Bruce shrugged and swatted the dove back from trying to steal a blueberry.

After breakfast they split up. Bruce had originally planned on working with Tony that day but that went out the window (Bruce was starting to wish the dove would go out the window. It was like keeping track of a toddler.) He drifted around the floor; picked up a book for forty five minutes before trying his luck with the TV.

It was around dinner when Tony stormed into the kitchen. Steve had slapped a hand over his mouth to suppress his laughter. Natasha smiled and there was certain twinkle in her eye that usually wasn't there. Clint had no such reservations and burst into laughter. A disgruntled Tony stood there covered in white foam and a bruise forming on his left temple.

"What happened?" Bruce was smiling widely and trying to hold back laughs.

"My bots are rebelling." He pouted. (And Bruce just thought it adorable.) "Dum-E sprayed me seven times!" An arm flung out and a spot of foam landed on Clint. "Butterfingers is trying to maintain innocence while living up to his name. And Jarvis! Where to start?"

"I'm sorry Sir, but I do not recall any rebellious actions." Jarvis cut in.

"Oh don't you deny it!" Tony demanded, he threw his head back slightly to glare at a camera.

That was about the time things got even weirder. The foam that was collected on Tony's hair _moved_. It sprouted wings and flapped away, coming to rest by Bruce's dove. Clint sputtered and fell back when the flying foam flew a few inches away from his face.

Dove and sentient foam regarded each other before the dove moved forwards to nuzzle the foam. (At this point Tony finally noticed Bruce's dove.)

"And that!" Tony exclaimed. "That has been following me all day! It tried eating U's wires! It won't leave me alone!" At this point Steve had steered Tony to sit while the meatloaf was served.

 **After dinner...**

It was cleared up that, no, Tony did not create sentient foam (couldn't very well say sentient life 'cause what would that make Jarvis, Dum-E, U and Butterfingers?) it was, in fact, another turtle dove. Everyone dispersed, Bruce was surprised when Tony joined him in the living room.

At his look Tony said, "What? I can't work in knee deep foam and broken parts. It's the bots' mess, they have to clean it."

"Knee deep?"

"Jarvis?" Tony said instead. Bruce was surprised when the TV turned on instead of the AI answering. A picture of the lab came up. An Iron Man armor was standing upright for repairs and the foam was indeed knee deep. (Bruce was glad everything in the lab was everything proof. (Well, besides the self destruct, should it ever be needed.))

Tony plopped onto the couch next to him and looked at the screen. (Dum-E was currently spinning and throwing the foam into the air. U was trying his best to stop him and Butterfingers was the only one actually cleaning.)

Their shoulders brushed and in an instant the doves were switching shoulders. Now both men had a dove on the outside shoulder.

"Did we ever figure out why these things are here?" Tony asked as he eyed his warily. Bruce guessed that Tony's dove ( _Richard._ **What, Tony?** _I named the dove Richard._ (It was a strange dinner conversation) was more violent or more of a nuisance.

"No. I hope they'll go away by tomorrow though." Tony merely huffed a short laugh before settling in to watch yet another Christmas movie.

"Aren't turtle doves connected to love?" Tony asked suddenly.

"Devoted love, yeah." Bruce answered. (And Bruce wondered why that question made his stomach flutter.)

"It's not a coincidence." Tony stated.

"What?" Bruce looked to his left to look at the billionaire.

"I don't think it's a coincidence that the doves are following us. You and me." Tony looked away. (Was the great Tony Stark _blushing?_ )

"What do you mean?" (Bruce was hoping he was about to say what he wanted the inventor to say.) His heart started to beat faster.

"I-I-" The words got stuck in his throat and Tony just couldn't seem to get them out. That was when the doves decided to make a ruckus (right next to their ears). They cringed and tried to lean away, thus bringing them closer. They both turned their heads to face each other only to find there faces an inch apart. Time slowed and they both froze.

Bruce watched Tony closely (which was extremely hard to do). Apparently Tony decided to try to talk again.

"I was trying to say-I...I mean.." (Luckily the doves fell silent).Tony swallowed heavily before his eyes darted to Bruce's lips and just as quickly moved back to his eyes. It was then Bruce knew that his feelings were returned. Tony took a shaky breath in and Bruce decided he wasn't going to wait any longer. He grabbed the back of Tony's neck gently (dislodging the birds silently as he did so) and brought him in for a kiss. It was gentle, sweet and chaste but it was the best kiss either Tony or Bruce ever experienced. Bruce brought his left hand to comb through Tony's hair.

Tony hissed and pulled back. Bruce had accidentally hit the impressive bruise on Tony's forehead.

"Sorry!" Bruce immediately said.

"It's fine." Tony smiled. Bruce relaxed again.

They stayed up for a few more hours watching TV. Bruce had his arms around Tony while the billionaire had his head on Bruce's shoulder. The clock hit midnight and the doves flew away together.

"Just so you know this was not how I planned it." Tony mumbled tiredly into Bruce's shoulder.

"You planned the turtle doves?" Bruce asked, bemused.

"No. My idea was cooler. But my bots rebelled. Maybe they planned it. Shut it J." Tony grumbled playfully to cut off Jarvis before he could deny it.

"Either way, I'm glad."

"Hmmm, me too." Tony hummed while closing his eyes.

"Nope, come on. Off to bed." Bruce smiled as Tony grumbled and curled into a tighter ball. Bruce decided that poking Tony's head would be the best course of action. Tony swatted at him (missing by a mile) and grumbled. Finally he opened his eyes.

"Together?" He asked quietly.

"Of course." Bruce smiled and helped Tony up. (They ended up in Tony's room just because it was closer and Tony wasn't going far.)

They fell asleep together and they both had the best night's sleep either of them had in a while.

 **With Loki...**

 _Nicholas,_

 _I don't know who you are or how you got to my letter but I promise pain. 'Santa' does not exist! Stop pretending. I wrote that purely for amusement. I figured gloating to the nicest being on earth was the best._

 _But...I suppose I can tell you about today's trick. The two smartest people on the team did not see their feelings, which were clear as day, for each other. I'd admit I did not foresee the chaos the bird would cause in Iron Man's workshop. It was a wonderful surprise that Iron Man's robots seem to agree that his idea was idiotic._

 _Day Two was a success._

 _With pain,_

 _Loki_

 _P.S. I only helped the two idiots because it was irritating everyone. Don't you dare think me 'Nice'._

 **AN: So on thing I forgot to mention: The concept of Loki's letters was given to me by my beta (** **The Moyashi Beansprout Midget** **) And the last half of the letter is their writing. Santa responding was my touch. :)**

 **I lied. I need help figuring out gifts for every Avenger to give** **AND** **recieve. If you could give me a few ideas that would be great. (I have nine chapters until the gifts will be exchanged. So ideas can be submitted until chapter 11 but the later it is then the less likely it will be used.)**

 **And did anyone catch the reference this chapter? If you did let me know because if you have a gift idea then it has a high chance of being used. (I would guarantee but...no offense but some people can come up with stupid things.) So if it reasonable and thought out then it is guarenteed. (But keep in mind I may change the giver/recipient as I would see it best.)**

 **Saying that:** **AvengerFrost** **\- since you caught the first reference then you can get to input a gift idea(s)! (Yes you can suggest more than one.) (Anyone can)**

 **Review guys! (Can't promise the quick arrival of chapter three but I hope I'll get it done soon.) (I noticed that if I make update promises I never keep them unless everything is prewritten.)**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	3. Three French Hens

**AN: Uh, nothing to say really. There's french spoken and you might be confused but it doesn't really matter because I want you to know what Clint is feeling. Translations are at the bottom if you want to know. I believe that's all. Enjoy!**

 _Dear Loki,_

 _I am as real as you, Asgardian. It took many months for your kind to be accepted, correct? Even then there is a large amount of skepticism. I am much the same._

 _I receive all letters addressed to me, even if they are never sent through the various postal systems._

 _I am not sure if I should deliver coal or not to that robot 'Dum-E'. Perhaps giving him a new extinguisher is in order. You were correct in saying that Anthony's idea was not the best._

 _Best Wishes,_

 _North_

 **December 16th...**

Grumbling, the archer stomped through the crowds. Because of the whole partridge thing he didn't get a chance to buy anything for anyone. He had Steve's gift in mind. But he knew Tony's would be hard. What do you get the man who could buy anything he wanted himself? Clint gazed into the window, looking at the displays. Shaking his head he continued. (No way Natasha would appreciate that. Would she?)

Then the world exploded. Glass rained down from above him. He grabbed a kid that wandered too far from his parents and spun him away. The glass of the display he'd been looking at exploded outward not seconds after.

Clint ignored the cuts and ran inside (jumped through the broken window) and looked for anyone who was trapped. Other customers ran out, jostling each other and Clint. Crying children held tightly in adults arms. (Though Clint saw a kid no older than twelve holding a screaming two year old.)

Then he heard it. A lilted 'No!'. It was panicked and female. He quickly followed it to a woman trapped under a chunk of the wall. Clint tried lifting it enough for her to slip through but it was far too heavy. He was just glad that a mangled clothes rack was supporting some of the weight. Panicking for half a second when a flame grew slightly Clint took a breath. The woman was babbling now and Clint wasn't entirely sure it was English. He grabbed a mini arrow (No, not a dart. Tony and Clint argued against Steve and Bruce.) and loaded it into the mini crossbow mounted on his wrist. (He was never without weapons. The crossbow unfolded from it's framework. He just wished he had grabbed his collapsible bow but he had nowhere to keep his arrows.) He shot at the concrete that was crushing the woman and fired. It was able to dig itself deep enough and Clint grabbed the zip line. The archer threw it over a semi stable looking rafter. Ignoring the sting of the cuts as sweat dripped into them he pulled on the cord, his leather gloves providing protection from the cutting edge. The concrete barely moved but he heard the woman sigh in relief so it must've done something good.

Clint knew he wouldn't be able to pull anymore so he waited for the firemen to come. It took longer than he would've liked (but it was still pretty quick), more men came to help pull the cord. It was enough that one was able to pull the woman out. A quick countdown and everyone let go of the line.

"Sir, get out. There's too much smoke." (And, yeah, that was totally reasonable but he was stubborn.)

Clint opened his mouth to argue but a coughing fit interrupted him. When he was done he waved off the offered help and staggered outside where various emergency vehicle were parked outside. Paramedics whisked him off and placed an oxygen mask over his face and treated the cuts on his face and the few on his wrists. After being cleared (he had been staying low. He had to put all his weight into keeping the concrete up so he didn't breathe in too much smoke.) he gave his statement to an officer and continued on his way.

" _Attendez!_ " A voice called out. Clint ignored it. It was probably a family calling to some one who was trapped. A lilted calling of, " _Hawkeye_!" had him stopping. He turned around to see a woman with brown hair done in a braid over her right shoulder, and hazel eyes jogging towards him.

"Hello?" Clint greeted.

" _Bonjour._ " She smiled and Clint was confused on why she was speaking French. " _Je m'appelle Marie. Vous êtes Hawkeye?_ " He just continued to stare at her. Her tone made Clint believe that the second sentence was a question. Basically the only thing he got was that her name was Marie and she knew him as Hawkeye.

"Uh, hi?" He greeted again. (Because how was he supposed to respond? He may be a spy and know a bunch of different languages but French was not one of them.)

She rolled her eyes fondly. " _Merci pour aide ma soeur._ " She stuck out a hand. Hawkeye took it in his and shook it. Only understanding that she was thanking him for something. (He only knew a few words. Such as hello (bonjour), please (s'il vous plait) and thank you (merci))

"Sure?" She must have been ignoring his confused tone. She got a phone call and Clint was going to excuse himself but she held up a finger. Marie spoke on the phone, her expression becoming increasingly agitated the longer it went on. She pressed the end call button a little too hard (considering a touch screen didn't need much pressure at all) and shoved it into her pocket. She looked frustrated as she tugged at the end of her braid. She looked back at Clint before grabbing his wrist and tugging him along.

"Woah! Wait, lady where are you taking me?"

" _Ma poule!_ " She shouted instead.

"What?!" Confusion drowning out irritation.

" _Ma poule est disparu!_ " (Like that cleared anything up.)

"Disparu?" He parroted. "Disappeared?" He asked. She didn't respond and continued tugging him back to the ruined building. "Listen lady-" He tried getting his arm back but it resulted in her yelling.

" _Ma poule!_ " Her yell was almost hysterical.

"Okay, okay!" He yelled back. Several people turned to look at them before turning away. "Geez." He said under his breath.

She jogged up to a paramedic, still pulling Clint along. " _Alice?_ " She asked urgently.

"Last name." He asked. She only stared expectantly at him. Frustration washed over her face.

" _Alice Becotte?_ " Her accent clear.

"Oh, um, hold on." He looked through a paper on a clip board.

"She was taken to St. Vincent's." He answered. Before Marie could talk again Clint interrupted.

"The one on 11th and seventh Ave?" He asked for clarity.

The paramedic nodded and he took Marie away. He had no idea what she had been yelling but apparently some one close to her had been in the building when it exploded and had been injured enough to be taken to the hospital.

After a quiet and tense cab ride they entered the hospital. She rushed to the front desk and danced impatiently in line. Clint just followed her. Marie finally stepped up.

" _Alice Becotte? Je m'appelle Marie Becotte._ "

"Sorry?" The woman had a British accent (and Clint wondered how many people were here from Europe.)

"She's looking for an Alice Becotte." (And here he took a stab in the dark.) "This is her sister Marie."

"Who are you?" She asked. (Not many people from abroad recognized his face.)

He toyed briefly with telling her his real name but decided not to. (Marie already referred to him as Hawkeye anyway.)

"Hawkeye. I helped Marie here." The receptionist's eyes went wide before she typed into the computer. "Ah yes, just out of surgery. Room 317. You can go right up." Clint herded Marie into the elevator and resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't get any shopping done.

Marie had a tight grip on his hand and she tugged him out of the elevator but stopped dead. She looked around then at Clint.

"Room 317." He muttered to himself and quickly found the room.

A woman lay on the bed. Her hair was a darker brown than Marie's and it was loose around her head.

" _Alice!_ " Marie exclaimed and rushed to the woman's side. Clint hovered in the doorway.

The woman, Alice, was awake and speaking rapid French to Marie. " _Oú est Éric?_ " Alice asked after a pause.

" _Il recherche pour la poule._ " Marie answers. (And Clint really wants to know what 'poule' means.)

" _Ah_." Alice says. " _Hawkeye? Il aide?_ " Both women look thoughtful and dread curls in his stomach. (Just what did let himself be dragged into?)

A devilish smile is on Marie's face. " _Oui._ " She says something else and then is dragging Clint back out the door.

For the next four hours he is dragged all across Manhattan. They meet up with another guy. (Clint thinks his name is Éric. He couldn't really tell through all of the fast French talk.)

His phone rings and he answers it right away. "I have never been so glad to hear from you Tony."

There's a pause, "Yeah, okay, sure. Cap's wondering if you'll be back for dinner. We're going to order take out. We haven't decided yet."

"Uh, I have no idea." Clint answers as he glances at the two French people.

"What do you mean?"

"I got dragged along by a crazy person." He explained.

"Well tell them you need to get back home. If you were waiting for an excuse, here's one."

"It's not that easy. They don't speak English." Marie once again grabbed his arm and dragged him to Central Park (His legs were going to fall off at this point.) "And they're dragging me along and if I try to leave, the woman won't stop screaming."

"What language do they speak?" Tony asked.

"It's French. I think, that or Italian."

Tony sighed at the same time the woman squealed in delight. (At least he thinks it's delight.) She picks up...a chicken?

"I speak both of those. Why didn't you call sooner? You didn't even think of Nat? Who speaks, like, a million languages?" Marie was smiling down at the chicken and speaking to either it or Éric. Clint face palmed (both for his stupidity and the fact that they had been searching for four hours for a _chicken_.)

"Just please talk to her and if you could, get her to explain why we spent hours looking for a chicken."

He thrusted the phone at the woman, only barely hearing Tony's confused 'Chicken, wha-' before Marie took it. She looked at the caller ID before bringing it to her ear.

"M. _Stark?_ " She asked. (Clint heard a faint 'Oui' before he decided he didn't care anymore.) Éric and Clint stood awkwardly together as Tony and Marie talked.

He was broken out of his thought. " _Hawkeye?_ "

"Hm? Oh." He took his phone back. "So?" He asked Tony.

"I'd really like to know how you got dragged along on this and why she sounded so grateful. Anyway, I'll tell you when you get back. You're free of the hen search team." And didn't he just sound amused.

"Thank you! Next time I get kidnapped by French people I'm calling you."

" _De rien. Au revoir!_ " Tony responded and Clint was ready to throw his phone into the street. He instead ended the call and roughly shoved his phone into his pocket. Rubbing his eyes he sighed heavily. He looked up to Marie.

"Bye." He waved, hoping she'd understand. (Clint wouldn't put it pass Tony to tell Marie to keep him for another day. Rent a Super Hero! Oh, he could just see Tony's smirk.)

" _Au revoir. Merci!_ " She and Éric waved and he was finally home free.

He climbed into a cab. And, wow, did his feet hurt.

He made it back in time for dinner. (They had ordered without him but luckily Natasha knew what he liked from the Chinese restaurant.) He recounted his tale while they ate (when she was done Natasha took pity on him and massaged his feet).

"You've got to be kidding me." Tony said from his place on the couch leaning on Bruce.

"What?" Bruce asked his ( _finally_ ) boyfriend.

"Don't you see it?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "There was that partridge in a pear tree."

Realization was dawning on everyone's faces.

"Two turtle doves." Bruce continued.

"But today? I get the French but there was only one hen." Clint said.

"Hen can be slang for woman. You said there was Marie and her sister, Alice? Thus three French hens." Tony answered.

"Are you serious?!" Clint threw his hands up.

"Wait. So we're living out the 'Twelve Days of Christmas'?" Steve asked.

"Appears that way." Natasha said. "This started on the fourteenth, right? Two days ago?"

"Yeah so the last day will be Christmas day." Tony said.

"At least we'll know what'll be next." Steve pointed out.

"Vaguely." Clint snorted. "If we knew about this then today we would've been on the look out for birds. Not humans."

"That's true." Bruce tipped his mug in his direction slightly.

"So what's next?" Natasha asked. (She hadn't gown up with the carols.)

"Four calling birds." Steve answered.

"Let's just sleep and not worry about it. So far nothing has caused serious injury." Clint suggested.

"Wait, how is this happening? The partridge and turtle doves shouldn't be here in New York." Bruce said. There was silence.

Tony groaned loudly. "Magic. How else is it possible for a pear tree to be providing fruit in winter?"

"Loki?" Natasha asked. Her grip on his foot becoming painful. (Not like it didn't hurt anyway.)

"Probably." Steve said.

Tony groaned again before standing up. "I'm going to bed. I'm going to be well rested if I have to deal with Loki." He grabbed Bruce and left.

Slowly everyone drifted off to bed. No one was prepared for tomorrow...

 **With Loki...**

 _Nicholas,_

 _You may have a point but I refuse to believe you. You could be a human who is trying to mess with me. I suppose I could continue to tell you about the days._

 _Day three was easy. Make sure the translator was...disposed of, set off the explosion and setting that hen loose in Central Park. It was child's play really._

 _They've caught on. No matter, they won't be able to stop me._

 _Horrid Holidays,_

 _Loki_

 **AN: Et fin! Anyway, please help me with the french. It's a combination of me still learning french over the past two years and Google translate. (The unreliable little bugger. Can't conjugate verbs or do past tense.)**

 **There's no reference in this one.**

 **I have Clint's gift to Steve already picked out. Everyone else is still fair game.**

 **Eh, translations if you want them:**

 **Atendez!- Wait!**

 **Bonjour- Hello**

 **Je m'appelle Marie. Vous êtes Hawkeye?- My name is Marie. You are Hawkeye?**

 **Merci pour aide ma soeur.- Thank you for helping my sister.**

 **Ma poule!- My chicken! (In Google translate it also means hen so...)**

 **Ma poule est disparu!- My chicken/hen is gone!**

 **Oú est Éric?- Where is Eric?**

 **Il recherche pour la poule.- He is looking/searching for the chicken/hen.**

 **Ah. Hawkeye? Il aide?- Ah. Hawkeye? He'll help? (I'm certain I messed up this one.)**

 **Oui.- Yes**

 **M. Stark- M. is Mister in french. (Totally forgot how to spell it. heh)**

 **De rien. Au revoir!- You're welcome/It's nothing. Good bye!**

 **Au revoir. Merci!- Good bye. Thank You!**

 **And I think that was all of them. Again if you know french better than me then please let me know so I can correct it. :)**

 **They finally caught on! They still won't be ready for what's to come...hehehehehehehe.**

 **I think that's it! Review please!**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	4. Four Calling Birds

**AN: Hey guys! Sorry it's been awhile. I have no excuse besides laziness. Anyway, hope you enjoy it! It has tired!slightlyloopy!Tony. And I think this one is the longest by a few hundred words.**

 **To all who will wonder, there are different versions of the Twelve Days of Christmas. In some versions the ordering is different and in different ones day four is interpreted as 'collie' or 'colly'. I'm going with the version of the song I grew up with so it's going to be 'calling'.**

 **Thank you to all you have reviewed, favorited and followed! This gained traction so fast, I was kinda sad I didn't write for so long. I hope you didn't lose interest! Hopefully I'll write the next one faster (I do have at least half of it planned out in my head.)**

 _Dear Loki,_

 _You may believe whatever you want. Though I tell you now, I am not just a human messing with you. I do hope you didn't hurt the translator, otherwise I would have to step in and stop your fun._

 _What do you have in store for 'four calling birds?' I have to admit I am curious._

 _Sincerely,_

 _North_

 **A minute before December 17th...**

Everyone had gone to bed around eleven on the night of December 16th. Tony and Bruce had stayed up a little longer discussing the plans of their ongoing experiment. Everyone else had fallen asleep nearly straight away.

11:59pm...tick, tock...12:00am.

"TONY STARK! TURN IT OFF!" Clint's voice echoed around the building.

"IT'S NOT ME, BIRDBRAIN!" He yelled back.

"Shut up Tony." Bruce mumbled as he rolled over.

"Not my fault." Tony pouted. The quiet lasted, maybe, thirty seconds.

"I WILL KILL YOU STARK!" Natasha yelled.

"WHY DO YOU ASSUME IT'S ME?!" Tony asked.

"STOP YELLING. TEAM MEETING IN FIVE IN THE KITCHEN!" Steve cut in.

Bruce groaned loudly before rolling over again, this time facing Tony who had his legs over the side of the bed.

"C'mon Big Green. Team meeting." Bruce sighed before rolling out of bed, dragging the blankets with him. "Hey! I was going to do that!" Tony complained, standing up now. As Bruce walked past Tony he opened his arm and the blanket. They walked together to the kitchen under one blanket. They were second to arrive, Steve was already sitting there, his hair messier than they have ever saw it. Natasha and Clint walked in, clad in pajamas they looked wide awake and ready for the day. Meanwhile Bruce and Tony were falling asleep standing up while leaning on each other.

"What. Is. That?" Natasha growled. She was asking about the bird call echoing around the floors. "Stark?"

"Not-" He let out a large yawn. "-me. Ask tweety bird over their. Maybe it's his long lost bird family."

"Nope!" Clint argued.

"Alright, how did birds get in, in the first place?" Steve asked.

"J'rvis?" Tony sleepily asked the AI.

"For lack of a better explanation: two birds, goldfinches, appeared in the tower at precisely midnight. I cannot locate them at the moment nor explain how they are projecting their song." Jarvis answered promptly.

"We're idiots." Tony said.

"Excuse me?" Natasha crossed her arms.

"'Four calling birds.' It started at midnight? My guess is that they're going to go all day."

"But they're not singing now." Clint pointed out. Everyone stilled and sure enough, it was silent.

"Thank goodness." Steve sighed and rested his head on the counter. Tony's breaths were already slowing down, he was quite literally falling asleep standing up. Bruce was not far behind. Clint and Natasha looked at each before shrugging and going back to bed.

It was 12:15am by the time everyone was asleep again. It was 12:16am when Clint was going on a rampage. The bird's song was back and annoying as ever. It stopped at 12:30am...12:35am, Clint (and everybody else) went back to bed.

 **12:40am...**

"SOMEBODY SHUT THOSE THINGS UP!" Natasha yelled.

Tony sighed as he stared at the ceiling. "Hey Bruce?" A mumbled 'Wha?' answered. "I don't think they'll let us sleep. Every time we try they start singing again." Bruce sighed into the pillow heavily.

"You're right." He rolled out of bed. "Might as well do something." He stretched. The birds had stopped.

"Movie?" Tony asked. He had been awake for a long time already. He wasn't sure he could last another twenty four hours.

"You pick it, I make popcorn and get drinks?" Bruce asked.

"You never let me pick."

"We need to stay awake. You're bound to pick something with explosions." Bruce rolled his eyes as he walked out of the room again.

Tony followed him out. "Should we invite the others? Not like they can sleep either."

"Sure." Bruce replied as he put the popcorn in the microwave.

"Jarvis, tell the others."

"Yes, Sir."

Tony went to pick out a movie. (He made sure there were a lot of explosions.) By 1:00am everyone was settled and ready to watch the movie.

The birds had started singing a total of five times throughout the movie. If even a single person fell asleep everyone was subjected to the obnoxious noise.

 **3:00am, Tony and Bruce...**

"I'm not gonna make it!" Tony groaned dramatically.

"C'mon, let's go make something explode." Bruce said, getting up.

"Why do you assume explosions are the only way to keep me awake?" Tony rolled over onto his stomach on the couch. Bruce looked down at him.

"You get absolutely giddy when you're the cause of the explosion. It'll keep you up for at least another hour or two. In turn, that'll keep me up with your babbling."

Tony looked like he was about to argue but then stopped, "Yeah, you're right. Let's go!" Tony jumped off the couch and grabbed Bruce's arm, dragging him into the elevator.

 **4:00am, Clint and Natasha...**

"Well," Clint paused in tossing the rubber band ball against the wall, "at least the explosions are keeping us awake."

Natasha sighed and put down her gun. "Let's go see if there's a mission."

"We can just call." Clint pointed out. In response Natasha threw a knife.

"Or we can waste an hour outside this tower. No annoying birds or scientists."

Clint inspected the knife he caught before throwing it back. "True."

As they got up the birds started singing again.

"WHO FELL ASLEEP!?" Natasha yelled angrily.

"SORRY!" Steve's voice reached everyone.

"HA! TOLD YOU!" Tony yelled.

"DID YOU BET-"

"SHUT UP AND MEET IN THE LIVING ROOM." Clint yelled.

 **Living room few minutes later...**

"We can't keep this up." Tony face planted into the couch. He moved his head to the side. "I mean, I've done overnighters before, well all week...ers, but I've been awake for awhile now." He yawned.

"Nope, no sleep for you." Clint then pushed him off the couch. Tony merely groaned and reached up and grabbed a pillow.

"This came at the worst time. We're all burnt out. Don't deny it." Steve said pointing at the two spies.

 **6:00am Bruce...**

Usually Bruce was an excellent cook, but not when he hasn't slept.

"Bruce!" Was called at the same time the birds started. He jerked upright and blinked rapidly. "Don't fall asleep in the bacon." Tony yawned. Tony himself looked ready to face plant into his pancakes. How he managed to make those was a mystery to Bruce. He was sure there were robots that helped the genius, Jarvis probably.

Clint came in with his hands over his ears. "Alright, who was it now?"

"Brucie. He almost ruined the bacon." Tony was rhythmically hitting his head on the table (after moving his plate to the side). "Make them stop." He whined.

"Someone else must've fallen asleep." Clint said.

Tony took a deep breath that the others took as a sigh but was surprised when he yelled. "STEVE, NATASHA!"

"WHAT!?"

"WHAT?" Came the more confused response of Steve.

"STAY AWAKE!"

"I'M TRYING!"

"SHUT UP!" Natasha yelled angrily.

The birds stopped.

The men in the kitchen sighed in relief.

"Can I get breakfast?" Clint asked, ready for the no.

"Sure, Jarvis?"

"Right away sir."

Bruce blinked sluggishly. "Knew it." He muttered.

 **10:00am...**

After a long morning of yelling everyone gathered again.

"I would give anything for a mission. Even my weapons." Clint said. Resting his head on the kitchen island.

"If you gave your weapons for a mission, what would you use for the mission?" Tony mumbled into Bruce's shoulder.

"Even when you're exhausted you can be annoying."

"Even when I'm tired you're still a birdbrain."

...

"What?" Steve asked.

"I don't even know." Tony made to straighten up but aborted the movement and plunked his head back onto Bruce's shoulder. Bruce merely grunted and guided them to a chair.

Out of all of them Tony was having the worst of it. He'd been up the previous two days helping in a Stark Industries emergency that had started early in the morning. Clint had thought he sounded tired on the phone the other day.

 **12:00pm lunch...**

With only three birds calls since ten the team decided on lunch.

"Take out?" Bruce asked.

After everyone agreed they had food in no time.

 **5:00pm...**

"Here." A sleepy Tony shoved a cylinder into Clint's hand.

"What is it?" The only _slightly_ more awake archer asked.

"I don't remember." Tony squinted at the object.

"Hey Bruce." Clint called as he saw the other genius.

"Yeah?"

"Know what this is?" He shook the silver cylinder slightly.

"Uh, is that something Tony made?"

"Yup." Tony answered. "I have no idea what it is or does. I was-am really tired."

"Well, there were those springs. Or was that for something else?" Bruce stared thoughtfully at the ground.

"No more tired inventing for you two." Steve said as he walked in.

"Hey Steve, can you open this?" Clint asked, holding it out.

"Okay." He said dubiously.

The Captain grabbed it cautiously and twisted the top.

 _ **Pop!**_

Foam spurted out the top and paper snakes sprung out.

"That's what the springs were for!" Bruce exclaimed.

Tony and Clint were both laughing hard. Their tiredness coloring it with a drop of hysteria.

Yet another sigh was released and Steve went off to shower.

 **8:30pm everyone...**

"Didn't Jarvis say there were only two birds?" Clint asked.

"Yeah, so?" Natasha asked.

"Four calling birds." Tony said. Sitting on the couch while leaning against Bruce.

"Where are the other two?" Steve asked.

"Jarvis, scan."

"Seven life forms on this floor. Two of which are the birds. The other five are the people currently in the room." Jarvis responded.

 **9:00pm Steve...**

 ** _Ring!_**

"Hello?" Steve answered his phone...after a few tries, wondering why some one was calling at nine at night.

"Hello, is Joe there?" A male voice asked.

"Uh, there's no Joe here. Are you sure you have the correct number?"

"Yes, yes, Joe told me...oh wait, heh, yeah, never mind. Got the numbers flipped."

"Alright, that's no problem."

"Thanks bro." He hung up.

"That was strange." Steve muttered.

 **9:04pm Bruce...**

 ** _Ring!_**

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Joe there?"

"Uh, nope, sorry."

"That's okay, I'll call back later"

Bruce stared at his phone before throwing it back down onto the kitchen counter, shrugging.

 **9:12pm Clint...**

 _ **Ring!**_

"Yellow." Clint greeted, pausing in throwing a foam stress ball at Natasha.

"Is Joe there?"

"Uh, no. You got the right number there?"

"Oh, no, sorry!" He hung up before Hawkeye could respond.

"Who was that?" Natasha asked.

"No idea."

 **9:20pm Tony...**

 ** _Ring!...Ring!...Ring!_**

"Shut up!" Tony finally lifted his head to visually look for his phone. Finding it an inch away from where he was looking he pressed answer.

"Tony Stark." He said.

"Is Joe there?"

"No, I don't even know a Joe. Wrong number." Tony hung up before dropping his head back down.

 **9:25pm Natasha...**

"Natasha!"

"Be patient! The popcorn is still in the microwave!"

 _ **Ring!**_

"Hello, Natalie speaking."

"Is Joe there?"

"Can't say that he is." She said pleasantly.

"Oh, I'll call back later." Natasha shrugged and tucked her phone back into her pocket.

 **9:30pm...9:37pm...9:42pm...9:53pm...9:58pm...Steve...Bruce...Clint...Tony...Natasha**

"Hello?...No, he's not here...Stop calling!"

"Oh, okay. Maybe he'll be there later."

Dial tone.

"Gah!"

 **10:31pm...**

"Did you guys get a call about a Joe?" Steve asked.

"You too?" Clint asked. "Wait, did everyone?" In response everyone nodded.

"Who's Joe?" Bruce asked.

"No idea." Tony mumbled, burrowing farther into the couch.

"No sleep yet." Bruce hit him with a pillow. "Still got an hour and a half to go. Up!" Bruce pulled Tony upright, only for the genius to fall the other way onto him.

 ** _Ring!_**

Everyone froze.

 ** _Ring!_**

Natasha reached carefully towards the landline. Putting it on speaker...

"Hello?"

"Hi! Is Joe there?"

"You've already asked! Multiple times! Stop calling!" She jabbed the end call button before throwing the phone at Clint.

"Hey!"

 ** _Ring!_**

A loud groan came the Tony shaped lump under the blanket.

Clint took a deep breath and answered. "THERE IS NO JOE HERE!"

Silence.

"Uh, I'm Joe. I was wondering if there were any messages for me?"

The Avengers sat in stunned silence.

"Uh, hello?"

"You're Joe?" Natasha asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Listen here. I will hunt you down and rip you to pieces with only-"

"Okay! Yeah, listen Joe, please tell your friend to stop calling here. He's done so many times." Steve interrupted while Clint had a hand firmly over Nastasha's mouth. She still seemed to be threatening Joe...or just cussing in Russian. No one could tell, it was all muffled.

Without a response Joe ended the call.

"Hopefully that was the end of that. Ow!" Clint jerked his hand away.

"I have a feeling it's not." Bruce slouched.

 **11:13pm...**

 ** _Ring!_**

"I am done!" Tony stood abruptly, dislodging Bruce, threw his hands up and stalked put of the room.

Bruce reached for the phone this time. "Hello."

"Hello."

"Uh, yes?"

"How may I help you today sir?" The voice asked.

"Uh, I don't need help. You called me."

"I'm sorry sir, but you called me."

"What? No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Are you alright? Should I call an ambulance for you?"

"What?! No! I'm fine!" Bruce was much too tired for this. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye sir. Thank you for calling."

 **11:24pm...**

"Four...calling...birds." Tony mumbled thoughtfully.

"What?" Clint asked.

"The callers? Joe and whoever the other guy was. They were the two other callers. Two calling birds and two callers." Tony explained.

"Oh." Steve said

"How much longer?" Natasha asked.

"Forty five minutes." Tony groaned.

"What takes forty five minutes to do and at the same time makes time fly?" Bruce asked.

"Throwing a clock out the window 1,350 times." Tony answered, deadpan.

There was a confused pause.

"What?" Clint asked.

"Well, maybe less if you took longer than two seconds per throw..."

"Oh, that joke about making time fly by throwing a clock. I get it." Steve said.

"How tired do you have to be to not be able to do math?" Natasha asked. "I'm guessing you multiplied forty five by sixty and divided by two. Don't strain yourself Barton."

Said man let out a huff.

"Okay, so unless there are over a thousand clocks laying around I think we should find another way to stay awake." Bruce said.

Tony pouted before speaking. "How about we throw eggs out the window?"

"To accomplish what?" Steve asked.

"Two things: hit the prank callers and maybe get the birds to fly out after them."

It was worrying how seriously Steve thought about that.

"No." He finally decided.

"How about-"

"No." Natasha cut in.

"We could-"

"Nope." Clint shot down.

"Well-"

"Tony, no." Bruce said gently.

 **11:45pm...**

"F of x divided by g of x would be...3.57(2.8/x)-"

Clint narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. "Is Tony even speaking english?" He had to ask.

"...then write in terms of x..."

"If it keeps him awake and keeps the birds quiet I don't care what language he's speaking." Natasha muttered darkly.

"Math?" Steve asked as he sat up.

"Wha...?" Bruce jerked upright. Making Tony stop his stream of mumbled math for a second to grumble before continuing. It seemed Tony was dreaming but they knew the birds would be singing if he was actually asleep.

"...X equals zero. Slope: undefined. Not a function...This is modeled by the following equation..."

"Oh, is he reciting math problems?" Bruce asked. "Which book are you on?"

"Pre-calculus..." Tony frowned. "My pencil isn't straight. The vertical line test won't work."

"You don't have a pencil." Steve said.

"How much longer?" Clint groaned.

"Uh," Bruce went to look at his watch but Tony stole his wrist and squinted at it.

"Uh, .00022831 of a month... .000992063 of a week... .00694444 of a day...One sixth of an hour...ten minutes...six hundred seconds...six hundred thousand milliseconds..."

"Shhhhhhhhh, Tony." Bruce put a hand over Tony's mouth.

"So close!" Clint exclaimed.

 **11:55pm...**

"Gah!" Tony, Bruce and Clint all jerked upright.

"Five minutes guys." Steve said.

"Five minutes..."

"No Tony."

 **Two minutes later...**

 _ **Ring!**_

"What!?"

Steve sighed. "Hello?"

"What do you called people who are in favor of tractors?"

 _In favor of tractors?_ Clint mouthed.

"What?"

"Protractors!" There was a pause where the team could swear they heard drums and a cymbal crash.

The silence ended when Tony and Bruce started laughing.

"Why thank you!" The caller said before hanging up.

 **11:59pm...12:00am...**

"Zzz."

"Zzz."

"Zzzzzz."

"Zzzzz."

"ZZZZZZZZ."

 **Loki's letter...**

 _North,_

 _Ha! They couldn't keep their eyes open! And the translator fine...maybe a little confused but fine. I'm really excited for tomorrow. Don't worry, no one will be hurt...too much, maybe a bruise or two._

 _Unpleasant Christmas,_

 _Loki_

 **AN: *shakes head* I don't even know. Let me know what you think! And remember give me gift ideas for the last chapter! Oh and pm or leave a review telling me the top two of my stories you want me to continue!**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	5. Five Golden Rings

**AN: Sorry Guys! I have no excuses. So this is my plan, I'm going to post daily leading up to Christmas day, following the timeline of this fic. This one was supposed to be posted yesterday but I fell asleep before I could finish. So expect another chapter in the next five hours. (I say that because of time differences. Pacific Standard Time if you really want to know.) If I don't post one day expect double update the next day. Make sense? Sweet, now I still need present ideas, you have until Christmas Eve to suggest ideas. You will be credited with the idea at the end of the twelfth chapter. I think that's it. Enjoy!**

 _Greetings Loki,_

 _That certainly sounds ominous. It's five golden rings next? I can't imagine what you have planned. I'll admit I am getting curious of your future plans. I have a friend who would probably would want to join you. He is a mischievous boy, I don't know what to do with him most of the time._

 _Holiday best,_

 _North_

 **Avengers Tower, Noon**

"Jarvis?" Steve just woke up and wasn't sure what had happened but the lights were out. Was everything out? What did Jarvis connect to? Did he run on the electricity?

"Yes?" Steve jumped slightly.

"Uh, what happened? Why are the lights out?"

"I do not know. The reactor powering the Tower is fully functional. No errors detected." Jarvis replied.

"Where's Tony?"

"In the kitchen."

"Thanks Jarvis." Steve then headed to the stairs.

"You're welcome."

 **In the kitchen...**

"Fix it!" Steve heard Clint shout.

"There's nothing wrong! Everything else that requires electricity is still working!" Tony yelled.

"So what is happening?" Steve asked as he stepped in. A lantern spread light in the space, Tony's arc reactor seeming to shine a bit brighter.

"I don't know!" Tony threw his hands up before running them through his hair. "I checked and rechecked connections, Jarvis can't detect anything. Nothing is wrong!"

Bruce stepped in and moved the lightbulb to the side before Tony's hand could crush it. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend from behind. Some tension drained from Tony's form.

"Just the lights?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah." Part time rage machine grabbed the lightbulb again, holding it aloft. "Even the emergency lights are out."

"Hmm, well we could try to-" Bruce cut himself off when Natasha brushed against his back, scaring him. "Natasha!" He exclaimed.

She merely raised an eyebrow and looked at the bulb.

"Oh good you're all here." They heard a voice say. It came from the hallway shrouded in shadows.

"Everyone's here right?" Clint asked, making sure it wasn't some one who actually lived at the tower.

"Yeah..." Tony slowly reached forward and grabbed the screwdriver he'd been working with. Natasha grabbed a steak knife from the knife block she was next to. Clint magically produced his bow (collapsible, courtesy of the resident geniuses). His quiver already on his back. (He was about to practice, not that he needed it.) Steve tightened his fists and tensed and Bruce just searched hallway.

"How futile, no escape for you. You pathetic _heroes_." The voice snarled.

"Wait a second..." Clint narrowed his eyes. "I know that voice."

"Hurry up!" A much louder voice shouted, visibly startling three of the Avengers.

"Hammer!?" Tony said in disbelief. "There is no way you got in here by yourself."

"He didn't." A familiar figure in green stepped forward.

"Loki!" Clint yelled in anger.

"Hammer you imbecile. You were supposed to stay silent." Loki sighed before extending his hand out. The lantern went out and there were sounds of a scuffle. It flickered a few times. In one instance Steve had Bruce in a headlock.

 _Flash_

Natasha shaved some of Clint's hair.

 _Flash_

Clint fired at Tony.

 _Flash_

The screwdriver was in the wall.

 _Flash_

Loki loomed over them, the light making him look demonic.

 _Flash_

Hammer was sniveling in the corner after getting elbowed in the face.

 _Flash_

Green smoke filled the kitchen before everyone was transported away.

Sudden silence and having their hands bound made everyone freeze.

"Hammer!" Tony shouted into the darkness of their new surroundings. Silence. "Where are those idiots?" He grumbled.

"Tony? Who else is here? I'm Steve."

"Like we couldn't tell." Tony snarked.

"Nat."

"Clint."

"Bruce."

"Now that we got roll call out of the way, we need to get out." Tony tugged his right hand.

"Ow! Stop that!" Clint exclaimed.

"We're attached? I'm going to move my left hand. Who's that?"

"Me." Steve responded. "Who's to my left?"

"I am."

They continued down the line; Tony, Steve, Natasha, Bruce, Clint...so they went around the circle.

"Can everyone stand up?" Steve asked as he shuffled to get his feet below him, his hands ready to push up.

"Ow! My hand doesn't bend that way Cap!" As Steve put his palm to the floor he ended up bending Tony's. "I _cannot_ touch my forearm with my palm!" Steve brought his hands up again. They were bound hand to hand, the back of one touching the back of the next person.

"Sorry!"

Slowly they were able to stand, with help from each other.

"So, we're in a circle facing away from each other?" Clint clarified.

"I think so." Tony responded.

"Let's turn around." Natasha before promptly doing so. Bruce yelped as his hand was pulled and Steve grunted. Tony let out a surprised 'hey!' as he was tugged back. Clint ended up tripping over a foot, bringing Tony and Bruce into an awkward crouch as one hand was up and other was down. There was a stunned silence.

"Uh, ow." Clint commented. He climbed to his feet, "Warning would be nice." He mumbled with no answer from Natasha.

"Everyone turn around, slowly." Steve ordered. And they did, now everyone had their arms crossed in front of them facing each other now.

"How do we untangle this?" Clint asked.

"Easy, Steve go under my arm and everyone follow him, that should sort us out." Tony said.

Now, that would have worked if not for the flash of gold light. When it faded everyone was blinking dots out of their vision and attached to new people. This time it wasn't simply a circle. They faced each other but now in between them was a knot of arms.

"Hey!" Steve exclaimed.

There was a cough. "Sorry but I was suffocating myself." Bruce replied. "Wait..."

"Dang it!" Clint shouted. They all realized what had happened. They were all too tangled for Tony's simple plan to work.

"Now what?" Bruce asked.

"We do this by feeling, Tony lift this arm." Natasha said, shaking her right hand slightly so that Tony would move the correct one. As he did so she followed her arm towards Tony.

"Oh got it. Steve lower this arm." Clint stepped through.

They spent the next...really long time, trying to untangle themselves.

"Is everyone untangled?" Clint asked.

"No! Natasha, could you-ack! Not that way!" Steve exclaimed. They heard Tony snicker.

"Sorry."

Now that everyone was not in a knot the lights came on. Everyone blinked rapidly and looked around. There was nothing special, just stone and some bars. They looked to their wrists to see what was binding them. Gold...rings?

Five of them...

Five...

Golden...

Rings...

There was more than one scream of frustration.

"Seriously?!" Clint felt like bashing his head in. They were all still recovering from the previous four calling birds.

Suddenly the rings disappeared and Tony shoved Clint off himself.

"Hey!" Clint tackled Tony in retaliation. As they wrestled on the floor the others searched the room. The bars were too close together to reach through and there were no blemishes on the other three walls.

Clint and Tony rolled on the floor only to be kicked when they got too close to Natasha.

"Ow! Nat!" Clint complained as he rolled off Tony.

"Shut it. We need to get out." She responded.

"Well, there's no chance in that." Hammer's voice came through the bars. It was hard to see through the small slits so it was easy to communicate without Hammer knowing. From his seated position by the door Tony gave the 'keep going' motion with his hand, at the same time mouthing, 'Keep him talking.' Natasha gave a sharp nod, not knowing why Tony needed Hammer to talk but trusting him to do something.

He shimmied something out of his pocket, a black box with a couple of wires.

"Why's that?" Natasha asked Hammer.

Tony pried the box apart, half holding electronics and such.

"Oh I have a powerful ally."

Tony grabbed...something (no one really knew what he was doing or what he was messing with was.) and tugged it out.

"Loki." Natasha stated, staring in (concealed) confusion at the genius sitting on the floor. Tony meanwhile put the box together sans the something. The others were wary of the smile that had spread across his face. He waved Clint away from leaning on the door and grabbed a wire in each hand.

"Perhaps." Hammer said trying to maintain a mystery that was never there.

"Hey Hammer!" Tony called.

"What is it Stark?"

"Remember '93?"

"Never talk of that again!" At this there was a bang (the Avengers assumed this was him slamming a fist on the bars). At the same time Tony touched the wires to the bars. When he pulled them away there was a thump of a body and a thunk of locks disengaging.

"What was that?" Bruce asked.

"Electrocution." Tony smiled. "Not enough to kill." He rolled his eyes at Steve. "Added bonus that the locks were electronic. After you oh great master spy." Tony said with a mock bow to Natasha. She sauntered out, stepping over their captor's body.

"What happened in '93?" Clint asked as he trailed behind the group.

"Something I enjoy using as blackmail whenever I can." Tony smirked. Nothing more was said as they reached the outside.

"Don't you find it weird there were no guards?" Steve asked.

"Nope, Hammer had Loki, or Loki had Hammer, eh, whatever. The point is they believed Loki's magic would be all they needed." Tony scoffed.

"Not quite." Loki said appearing before them. "I merely wished to aggravate you with the fifth day of Christmas." With that a gold light surrounded them and they were back in the kitchen, lights on, like nothing happened.

"I am not looking forward to tomorrow." Clint mumbled as he slunk off.

"Where are you going?" Steve called.

"Bed!"

"It's only two!" (They had woken up late, catching up on missed sleep.)

"I am _not_ rested enough to deal with this!" And Clint was gone. Natasha shrugged and followed after him. Bruce sighed before tugging Tony with him, leaving Steve alone. Shrugging he decided to make...lunch? Technically breakfast.

 _' **Santa** ',_

 _See no one got hurt, don't worry so much. I knew that bumbling Hammer wouldn't be able to do anything, I just wanted to mess with him too._

 _Who is this friend? If he is as you say I could use his...input for tomorrow. S_ _end him over with your next letter._

 _Wishing you to crash,_

 _Loki_

 **AN: Tada! I'm keeping my promise of posting for Christmas! Anyone catch the reference in this one? Who is this friend? (Like you don't know). This reference is being swung over to the next chapter as well. So, yeah that's it. Review! (Even if I'm posting everyday.)**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	6. Six Geese A–Laying

**AN: So close guest! Yes it is who you say it is but the geese don't lay that. And if you want suggest a gift idea!**

 **Wow, 2K words _and_ two references in this one! Let me know if you get both of them! **

**And I know, I'm a lying lier who lies. I'm sorry this is late but I hope the extra length makes up for some of it. I'm really trying to post everyday but geeze it's hard. None of the chapters are prewritten, everything you read I probably just wrote starting two or more hours ago. Tomorrow is seven swans a-swimmin'! (I have no idea how to go about that...everything is so last minute with this.) Also, I claim all errors as my beta The Moyashi Beansprout Midget only read part of this chapter. Sorry Moyashi, I'll try to get the next one done earlier! (There's a three hour time difference (she's later than I am)). Enjoy!**

 _Dear Loki,_

 _This is the friend I told you about. Please try to not give him new ideas. My workshop is chaotic as it is. Make sure he returns before Christmas Eve, he wants to help this year._

 _Wishing the best,_

 _North_

Loki looked up at his new ally and raised an eyebrow. The kid didn't look like much. He just showed up at his door, barefoot despite the freezing temperatures, and with a shepherd's crook. "You're needed before Christmas by North." He stated to break the ice.

The boy rolled his eyes. "I know. I'll keep track of time, that is if you want my...input for future pranks." He raised an eyebrow in turn.

"Perhaps." Loki turned away. "Meet me on the building east of the Avengers Tower." He teleported away before the kid could get a word in edgewise.

 **On said east building a second later...**

Loki popped into existence and observed the tower in front of him. It was barely a minute later when he heard laughter. Turning he saw a person...flying(?) from the general direction of his place.

"What?" He whispered to himself as he squinted. He sputtered as a snowball hit his face.

"It's not very nice to leave some one behind like that!" The kid laughed from his place floating above and slightly in front of Loki.

"Get down here before you attract attention!" Loki had to resist the urge to stomp his foot.

"Relax," He started to float down, "It's not like they'll see me."

Loki suddenly remembered that Midgardian elementals (because six days ago he didn't know there was anything _but_ elementals.) couldn't be seen by the mortals of the planet.

"This is the plan..." Loki described the plan as the kid bounced (occasionally floating) in excitement.

 **In the Tower...**

Natasha was done. They were only halfway there. She took out a knife and approached the frozen abomination. It honked loudly before it flapped its wings and ran away. She threw her knife, nailing it in the head. To her disbelief (and frustration) it got back up and continued running.

 **With Loki...**

"Whoa, she's scary." The boy said.

Loki merely grunted as he focused on magically getting the knife out and 'healing' the bird.

"I think at some point I'm going to have to go in to fix him." Loki was still mildly impressed that the kid could balance on the free standing staff on the windy roof top. Although on closer inspection it didn't seem to be as windy around his ally as it was around him.

Then his words registered. "Him?" Loki asked incredulously.

"Yes, my snow animals have genders. The one following Captain America is female and the one on Hawkeye." The barefoot teen's eyes were glowing slightly with his constant magic output. Loki rolled his eyes as he turned his focus back to dodging arrows.

 **In the Tower...**

There was an intense staring contest going down in the living room. Five on five, each competitor not moving an inch, until...

" _HONK_!" Making most of the other team jump a foot in air.

"So, what are they going to lay? They're made of ice." Steve said, glancing at one that had an arrow in its back.

"Ice cubes?" Bruce suggested.

"I feel like they're going to be more annoying than that." Tony grumbled.

"Where's the sixth one?" Natasha asked.

"Uhhh." Clint looked over his shoulder as if it was sitting with them.

"I have located the last ice goose." Jarvis cut in. "It appears to be heading to the R&D labs."

They shared looks of 'uh oh' before they all dashed to the elevator to get to the proper floor. They burst out of the elevator, startling some people standing there, and spread across the floor.

"Mr. Stark?" A woman asked.

"Have you seen a goose made of ice running around?" He asked. To her credit she didn't seemed to be surprised.

"No, I haven't sir."

Before Tony could reply a shriek made everyone jump and look. Just in time to see snowflakes(?) settling to the ground. On the ground was an employee and Clint, the errant goose sitting comfortably on his chest.

"Why do birds love to harass me!?" He exclaimed.

"You're part bird." Natasha said.

At this point everyone on the floor was staring at them. It wasn't everyday superheroes crashed your work, one of them who pays your paycheck.

"Uh, sir?" A timid young man asked.

"Yes? What?" Tony answered.

"What's going on? What's that?" He pointed to the goose currently sitting on Hawkeye's chest.

"Very good question Jeremy. This is a project I've been working on. One of the most realistic robots I've made. The programming has some bugs to work out."

"You said it was ice." The woman he talked to earlier pointed out.

"It was the simplest way to explain it. It looks like ice, it was just how I designed it." Tony brushed off.

"And that?" Another employee asked, pointing to the white powder.

"Yeah, probably shouldn't touch that. I'm not sure what it is. Some one will come clean it later. Now if that's all, we'll be going now." Jeremy jumped back from where he was about to touch the powder.

 **Few minutes later back on the Avengers floor...**

"So they poop snow?" Tony asked.

"No, it laid an egg that exploded." Clint corrected.

"The snow doesn't melt, is it still snow?" Bruce asked.

"Tony run some tests on it. We'll try to keep the geese corralled here." Steve ordered.

Tony gave a lazy salute as he picked up the test tube of collected snow.

 **Outside the Tower where magic geese are being healed...**

"Oh man! Didj'ya see that! Haha! Make 'em lay more eggs!"

Loki's lips twitched despite himself. The kid was easily amused. Loki made the geese lay more 'eggs', that was his job. The teen would then grabbed the egg from Loki magically and let it burst. They still had a few eggs laying around that were put into place before the Avengers had woken up.

 **An hour, lots of cursing, eggs and snow later...**

"I ran as many test as I could and it's just snow. Gah!" Tony stumbled into the wall when snow blew into his face. Once he could see again his jaw dropped.

The room was covered in a few inches of snow _at least_. Steve had wrapped himself in layers of clothes as the room had dropped more than a few degrees. Clint lay face down with at least three of the geese on top of him, Natasha was glaring daggers at one of them that was dancing around her happily and Bruce was sitting on the couch with a mug in one hand and a bowl of ice cubes in his lap, which he seemed to be feeding to the two geese by his feet.

"What happened here?" He stepped carefully over a nest (an actual nest made of ice twigs) full of eggs.

"The Avengers have been beaten by birds made of regenerating ice." Bruce supplied, amused.

"Regenerating?"

"Yes, see?" Natasha then produced a knife from somewhere and threw it at a goose on Clint's back. It honked at her as it was thrown back by the force. The knife fell out once it hit the wall and the ice came together like nothing happened. It then wandered back to sit on Clint again.

Tony jumped as the nest of eggs behind exploded, impossibly spreading itself across the large room.

"Is Clint still alive?" Bruce asked calmly.

In response he got a lazy arm flail, a goose nipping at the appendage when it got dislodged from its perch.

"Why are they intent on killing Clint?" Steve asked.

Clint had to lift his head up slightly to be understandable. "Not killing. They just decided I was a good place to perch."

"Alright then." Tony said. "I'm going to go make lunch."

"Food please?" Clint asked.

Tony hummed. "Maybe."

Clint groaned before plopping his head back in the snow.

 **Three hours later...**

The snow was knee deep but not quite as cold as normal snow. In three hours the Avengers, well three of them, were having fun with the geese. Natasha had a contented smile as she came up with different ways to 'kill' the ice geese. Similarly, Tony was have an incredible time blowing/shooting the things and Bruce was protecting two of the geese in order to feed them ice cubes.

Clint was somewhere under the snow (they set a blanket over his approximate location to avoid stepping on him). They believed he fell asleep along with a goose on his back. (The other two had been stolen by Tony and Natasha.)

 **Outside with a rapidly growing army of ice geese...**

"They can sure go through a lot." The hoodie wearing teen said, fascinated.

Loki ignored him in favor of keeping the portal open that they were using to send new geese through as the others got too damaged.

"You don't talk a lot. You remind me of my friend, he doesn't talk much either...well he doesn't talk at all. So, you're Loki? Norse branch? That's what we call it 'cause there's so many spirits that have the same title but are from different regions. Some turn into another...I guess it could be called an alter ego. You know that I have a form in the Norse branch?"

Holding his tongue Loki decided on, "You talk incessantly." Though he was curious who the kid was in his...branch? Midgard, he decided, was weird.

"So I've been told. Well, more like yelled at then had a bomb thrown at me. I'll tell you, that was a surprise."

"You had a bomb thrown at you?"

"A paint bomb. Kangaroo has a short temper."

 _Kangaroo?_ For the life of him Loki could not think of any Kangaroo myths off the top of his head.

"Just focus on holding the delayed eggs." Loki ordered.

"Sir, yes, sir!" He exclaimed.

 **After more than a few dead geese later...**

"WHEN WILL THEY END?" Tony yelled after he destroyed his hundredth goose.

"At midnight." Bruce said, spluttering when snow hit the back of his head.

"Don't be such a smart a-"

"HELPPPP!" Clint came careening through the room, four geese on his tail...his real tail. It seems as though he grew a tail, beak, head feathers and wings out of ice.

"Oh man, J you got this?"

"Of course sir." Even the AI sounded amused.

"Don't be a jerk Tony! Help me! Gah!" Clint was forced into a somersault as a goose tried to jump on his head.

"Don't be a jeeeeee~rk it's Christmas ~!" Tony sung.

"Is that even a real song?!" Clint's voice rose at the end of his question.

The archer finally stopped and curled up into the snow, the snow reforming itself to look like a nest. Natasha appeared in the doorway, looked around the room and turned around and left.

"Let's just eat dinner and go to bed." Tony sighed.

Too bad it was easier said than done.

After a grueling two hours (the eggs kept exploding in their faces and food) everyone dispersed to bed, a goose each (well two for Steve since the other pairs technically had two).

 **11:59pm...**

"LOKI!" Five voices were heard after three more explosions.

 **Loki's hideout...**

The immortal boy was laughing next to a smiling (will be denied later) Loki.

"That was the BEST! What's tomorrow? Can I help?" He bounced in place while giving Loki his best puppy eyes.

"Perhaps. Now excuse me I have a letter to write."

 _North,_

 _I admit the boy was interesting to have. I may keep him around for a few days. Although I'm not sure what he can do for seven swimming swans._

 _ **Hey North! Today was great! The Avengers didn't know what to do HA! Send my regards to the others!**_

 _As you can see he hijacked my letter. Could you clarify who this 'Kangaroo' is? He refuses to explain further._

 _Be kidnapped,_

 _Loki_

 **AN: Et fin! Find the references? And remember you have 'til Christmas Eve to send in gift ideas! And I'll try to get seven swans out soon so that I can catch up and get eight maids out as well. C'mon, your support is invaluable!**

 **~Dawnmoon**


	7. SO SORRY AND HELP ME!

**NOT A CHAPTER! I'M SO SORRY!** _ **BUT I NEED HELP!**_

 **I hate when authors do this but I desperately need your help.**

 **I have only been able to think of four swan ideas (None of which I'm especially thrilled about.) So, please help me!**

 **When/if you give a swan idea could you also please give me present ideas? I promise, after receiving three or four new swan ideas it'll only take a week for it to come out! I will be forever grateful, you will be emphasized in the Author note (or if you don't want to be then you can tell me). And if you give me two or three really good ones then you can ask for a one shot for me to write for you! (I'll let you know if you qualify.)**

 **Preferably water and swans are included but I'm desperate so I'll take just swans too.**

 **And yes, I realize I'm bribing but really, the next chapter depends on you guys cause I seriously can't think of anything new.**

 **The outline of eight maids a-milking has been drawn up. The only thing standing between us and a completed fic is these seven stupid swimming swans.**

 ** _HELP PLEASE!_**

 **(And I know you guys don't get notification emails if I merely replace this with a chapter so when you recieve a notification about chapter eight remember to go back for seven swans. (I'll put a reminder in the AN too.))**

 **Thank you for reading this disappointing update 'til the end. Love you guys 3**

 **~Dawnmoon**


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